No need to thank me…just spank me!

My Fetish Diary: Cravings and Denial

My fetish diary 7

I am going to share with you some thoughts I have about Dominance and submission. I have been battling with myself how personal I want to be on a blog like this – how much of my true feelings I should divulge. I know there has to be a line because there are things that’s not meant to be shared. But there’s some things pretty close to my heart –both SL and RL – that I would really like to talk about and even discuss. And one of these things are the idea of D/s-relationships – like: a bad girl get spanked and a lot of disciplinairy attention from her Master or Mistress. But what does a good sub or slavegirl get?

I’m not sure it’s even good form to focus on the needs of a submissive as it seems the only thing we should concern ourselves with is the pleasure of serving and pleasing our Dominant. But surely subs and slaves are people too and we have hopes and dreams, desires and expectations in life?  What is our dreams when we enter a romantic sexual relationship where someone else has all the power?

I love kinky rough sexual play. Spankings, forced sex, bondage, exhibitionism gives me an insane rush. I would love these in any relationship. But these acts – which can easily be confused with punishments – seems to be reserved for the bratty subs/slaves who act up or don’t follow orders – because when it all comes down to it: how can a Dominant flog or spank someone who’s making him/her proud and please them at all times without looking like a complete dork? Being a well behaved, driven human being doesn’t seem to grab me many stroppings. It just makes life almost vanilla. That’s when i ask myself: should I be crafty and act bratty (which I have heard Doms say they find irritating and tiresome) – or just give up D/s? How come the brats gets to “feel” the discipline instead of being ignored by their Doms? Surely the latter would put an end to disobediance or brattiness forever as noone likes being ignored. Let me know your thoughts on this.

 
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4 responses

  1. Kinky sex has very little to do with a D/s relationship, it is what it is …kinky sex, one does not have to be in a D/s relationship to have it. Vanilla people have kinky sex, why do you frame that with D/s?

    Do you want Master to spank you? Then tell him that. If that is what you need ask for it. Why did you not discuss this with him/her before taking a collar? The Dominant has a responsibility , just as you do to negotiate the relationship boundaries before collaring. This includes your need/desire for , well , I guess you need spankings.They have very little to do with being a bratty sub, that’s internet BS. If you are a brat , then you are.

    If you are looking to SL for any of this you have made a mistake. That’s just MHO. Good luck.

    March 4, 2013 at 10:38 pm

  2. Charmer

    To Me, there are a couple different ideas in there…first is the idea of punishment versus play. Secondly a matter of brats versus well-behaved subs. Well on the first point, a Dom that knows His girl well and has a great connection can convey, even with the same action (lets say spanking) whether its for punishment or for play, simply by His touch, the look in His eyes and the tone in His voice..so it can be done and doesn’t have to be reserved just for punishment times, it can be very pleasurable. As for the other part of brats versus good subs, to Me it’s easy…. if you pay mind to a brat, that is doing so, to be center of attention, then it says little for being a Dom, and more for just wanting to “get some action” of your own. The true Dom, will gravitate toward the true sub, because they share like minds, in what they want and need.

    March 4, 2013 at 10:56 pm

  3. Weylund

    I’m commenting from the experience of being in a poly relationship with 4 women in RL, all of whom love each other as they love me. A functioning family of individuals. I cannot speak well regarding the relationships within SL, for our family’s time together there is more a function of “keeping a connection” when business, or other RL related circumstances, takes us away from each other. That being said….

    First, be sure of the differentation between “discipline” and “punishment.” Discipline is what a dominant expects in the submssive’s behavior, and requires of his/herself. Key point there… a dominant should not expect a sub to be disciplined in something when he/she is not. Doesn’t work. How can a submissive trust to put her/his life and heart into the hands of someone undisciplined? Punishment is what is done when the sub fails to follow the defined actions/behaviors.

    As Colleen commented above, kinky sex can be had by anyone and is not necessarily related to D/s. Such relationships are typically a bedroom top/bottom. In our family, the foundation is the Head of Household lifestyle, with the D/s being more a “relationship interaction,” and the kinky sex is icing on the cake.

    Regarding the “good sub vs bad sub punishment.” Well, of course it is not punishment when playing. When my subs know they’ve done something wrong, they know from my tone of voice, a look in my eye, and the actions I take when they are punished. During play time, it’s a completely different atmosphere. A different feeling they are experiencing altogether. I should mention as well, there are certain punishments NEVER used during play time. For example, it is a FACT my subs hate the cane for play, so it will never be used as a play implement. I have a nice old fashioned, ornament brush given to me as a gift from a female dominant, perfect for spankings that will never be used in play. A flogger… play only. The list can go on but I won’t. Leave it to say, I know the ladies in my life and what they like/dislike during play, so will not use those during punishment.

    So in answer to your first question, you should be getting both without having to ask. Your dominant should know you well enough, and if not, then you two need to speak more about such matters. Communication, as in any relationship, is the key.

    Regarding this: “I’m not sure it’s even good form to focus on the needs of a submissive as it seems the only thing we should concern ourselves with is the pleasure of serving and pleasing our Dominant.” Get that out of your head immediately. The only time that MIGHT be true is if you were a true slave. Where all you cared about was pleasing someone, and had no desires of your own in life or love. Hardly something I think is common at all. If you meet a dominant who tells you that, in RL or SL, run away as fast as you can. That is… if you know you want to be in a loving relationship, have a career, etc. The reason my subs focus on wanting to please me, wanting to pleasure me, and wanting me to guide their behavior is because I focus on their needs, creating an environment of trust and love, where they feel safe to doing so.

    Bratty subs can be the result of several things, and I know some will disagree with me but it’s been my experience. 1) Someone who is not really dominant, or not really knowing what they are doing, are letting them act that way. 2) The dominant acts that way themselves, and so sees nothing wrong with it. 3) The sub is trying to get attention. 4) There is something wrong… pent up feelings… work issues…etc.
    The first three are the dominants fault. The first two are self explanatory, the third is simply cured by not giving the sub what he/she wants when acting out. Or, definitely giving them something they do not like when they do. An example: Not too long into the relationship, I found one of my subs is masochistic. She enjoys certain types pain. It really arouses her. So, she would act out simply to get paddled. Well, after learning about that, her punishments were swtiched up. Needless to say, she does not act out very often now.

    The last is something the dominant needs to recognize, and will do so given time in the relationship. Often times, I perform a weekly maintenance to help them release, reestablish our relationship dynamic, as well as a bonding time for us. This has helped immensely with handling these outbursts of brattiness.

    Hope this helps. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact. 😀

    March 5, 2013 at 12:54 am

  4. wow thank you all for your wise and insightsful comments. And yes Colleen I agree totally, kinky sex can perfectly well be had outside a Ds relationship….I just wrote from that perspective because it’s where I am personally but I probably expressed myself a bit clumsy. The issue I’m addressing tho is one I have heard many fellow submissives complain about. As for looking to the internet or within SL I must point out that not everyone are free to live out their true nature in RL and I personally have had a pretty strong online relationship in SL and outside of it for almost 7 years, so I’m not sure i agree with you on that one. And we are all learning as we go, even Dominants.
    And Charmer and Weylund – thank you! I feel so much better after reading what you say, I was a bit worried I was just some attention junkie here or someone trying to top from the bottom 🙂 but you have made me see things in a whole new light.
    I did also recieve some killer comments in an SL community yeasterday that I shal post in a new update today with their consent – you guys are all so wise it makes me smile. So do keep the comments comming.

    March 5, 2013 at 5:23 am

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