No need to thank me…just spank me!

Strippers Confidential

Book 1

What REALLY goes on in a strip club is fascinating and it spans from the sexy and sometimes kinky to the downright hilarious and seriously aggravating. To write this book would be professional harakiri but sometimes I amuse myself with thoughts of what a juicy read it could be. Ok it’s not gonna happen, not from me anyway. But a few general observations can’t hurt, can it? I know y’all will find this funny if you have ever been in a strip club in RL or SL – they are fascinating sociological laboratories. So sit back and enjoy – here’s a closer look at what archetypes of the demimonde who you’re most likely to run into if you go to a strip club in Second Life:

Dancer types:

The Goodtime Gals/Guys. They are the ones who dance because they love the social interaction, and regards stripping in a club as a chance hang out, flirt and have fun, and tips is just the icing on the cake. For good time gals/guys club life is more about having a blast than anything else. And these dancers probably makes the best company seen from the guests point of view, as they are always bubbly, lively and game for a laugh. I know some amazing goodtime gals/guys and count them as my best friends. They are also wonderfully drama-free. Some of the highest tipped dancers I know are good time gals/guys. They are genuinely interested in talking to people and enjoy themselves at events and parties – put people at ease – make the club feel friendly and they make you smile – great quality.

Then you have The Professional: They are up on that stage to earn a living and are prepared to work hard  – WITHIN their working hours. While there they are professional charmers who usually do not date outside the club and will politely turn down any offers of meeting up when they are not working. Some people appear to have issues with this type of dancer and many a time have I heard a guest say “oh so you are only nice to me if i give you money?” – which reveals a total lack of understanding of the dynamics of a stripper/VIP relation. A lot of really fabulously sexy girls/guys are pros, and just because they are working doesn’t mean they aren’t genuine and friendly.  They just do not give in to crushes and would never message a patron outside the club boundaries. Treat a professional well and she/he will treat you like royalty, give you the time of your life, and you will most likely have a friendship built on understanding and mutual respect. A good professional will be your confidante, make no other demands other than respect and a tip for her time.

The 3rd group of dancers are The Cherry Pickers: Probably no need to go to great lenghts to describe who they are. Cherry Pickers are the dancers who only come to the club to dance if they sense there’s action = money to be made. They will stay away at slow times and quite shamelessly crash any shift there is – IF they get a whiff of a high roller in the house. With little or no regard for their fellow dancers who faithfully work their shifts even when it’s quiet in the club the cherry pickers pop up to grab some cash and then leave again soon as the tipper leaves. Sadly enough customers don’t know or don’t care. But the rest of the club’s staff does. So shame on you, cherry pickers and the people who tip you – it’s a bit like stealing from hard working dancers.

Then – there is the Patrons/guests

They basically come in several categories, i have named 5: the regulars, the high rollers, the cheats, the moralists and people looking for a possible girl/boyfriend. Not counting noobs obviously.

The regulars: Most regulars are nice and easy, they come to hang out, chat amiably and tip if they feel like it or if they can. If they cannot – it’s ok. We understand. I think flirting and great conversation is nice as well if it doesn’t come with a hidden agenda of scoring for free. I have known people who’s never tipped for as long as I have known them but they are nice to talk to and a laugh to be around so I’m totally good with it. Other regulars always tip well but we would love them anyway – a regular guest comes in because he or she likes the club and our company so what’s not to like about them? Dancers needs to treat regulars well, they are the salt of the clubs earth. I have some regulars that I like so much I wouldn’t care if they owed me money – they are just that special. So don’t say dancers are only after money. We are a lot like human beings – just with better bodies.

The high rollers – they are – as the label says – people who tip hard. Usually they expect flirting back and get it. I mean who wouldn’t flirt with someone who totally get who and what you are? High rollers are sexy. Period. Enough said.

The cheats: These type of guests are out to either 1: score a dancer for free  or 2: insult a the dancer if she doesn’t take his/her bait.

Insults can be engaging a dancer in private conversations and expect the dancers sole attention while not tipping  a penny and then accusing the dancer of ignoring you if she/he doesn’t reply. Insults can be sitting in the front row (the erection section) and not tipping or talking at all. And then you have the worst ones who like to talk down to dancers because they think they have the upper hand just because they can put money in a dancer’s tip jar. People who use money as a weapon to make dancers feel bad – go away already – we don’t need your crappy cash. Stuff it up your ass – hopefully bleached  – to quote my favourite DJ Penny Parkin.  Just remember – we don’t HAVE to behave just because you are a guest.  Then you have the patrons who think they are soooo good looking they have to boast loudly in public chat: “ooh i NEVER pay for it – I don’t have to!” I’m sorry, if you don’t like strippers wtf are you doing in a strip club? There’s free sex places where you most days can pick up a truly sex starved drifter for the night no matter how you look. And as for looks,  keep in mind that noone – I repeat NOONE – is so good looking they should get away with crap attitudes. Let’s face it – in SL we can ALL be great looking and own a prancing AKEYO overrider, it’s just a matter of animations, skins and sliders. So come on, behave.

And then there’s the lovely little moralists: They come into a club with a title saying things like “DON’T even try” – “VERY married” or “Totally taken by ONE” – and stuff like that. Don’t be an idiot folks, we dancers can read and we check profiles. If you are partnered and obviously not out to score any private time we won’t harass you – but we WILL flirt. It’s our job – get it?

The ones looking for a girl/boyfriend: I’m not saying it’s impossible to chat up a stripper and fall in love, even live happily ever after. But usually strippers dance for tips. So why flirt with strippers if you just want company and possibly someone to date?  There’s plenty of regular dance clubs where you can meet people that way and nicely so. A stripper/escort is a professional entertainer/courtesan, we’re not anymore easy than any other person you’re likely to meet in a club, plus – disrespecting what dancers do probably means you should not be in a strip club in the first place.

Oh and yea – love to hear your comments on this one!

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