Thoughts on Domination
(Photo: from a RP shoot at Twisted Orchid BDSM Club for Black Sheets Magazine)
Bruises on display – yay or nay?
Change, it’s almost always painful and hardly ever comfortable. And lately I have wondered about how profound and deeply rooted the feelings of human sexuality are. Like – if you are a fetishist could you become a bashful prude? Or if you think you are submissive now, could you possibly change into a dominant next year? I have always thought I was a sub. But lately I’ve been having second thoughts. I used to curl my toes with excitement at the mere thought of being strapped into a delightfully kinky releationship with a Dominant person, or feel pangs of jelousy whenever I saw a gorean Master drag his beautiful kajira through the mall on a leash. But I now when I see slender waifish girls sporting bruises everywhere while dribbeling from their ballgags – I feel less attracted. And even though their lifestyles probably are both safe, sane and consensual I cannot help but feel put off. And I don’t get it. I have always craved a firm hand and loved the idea of punishment – but where I used to see enviable submission and proudly owned property all of a sudden all I can see is battered girls. And no – I have never been in an abusive relationship myself, or been beaten as a child.
I have tried to figure out what it is that puts me off. Of course I am gonna tell you but please take note: I am NOT saying I am right, or that there is ONE truth. I am NOT judging you or anyone else. All I am doing is analyzing my own change of feelings, and maybe even personality. So these are my questions and my truths – I have zero desire to tell you how to feel or how to live your life. (And for the record – I call subs female and Doms male here in my writings but bear with me, the slave could very well be male and the Domme female or the C/couple same gender – all the same applies.)
So, to the subject of bruised and beaten bodies on display: I am not talking about a red ass which is just cute, but a body beaten black and blue, you know those yellowy-purple-cobalt shades that you only get if someone punches you repeadetly with a closed fist. What kind of Master would get off on doing this to his slave? What slave would want to be in a situation like that? All I can think is:
1. The slave is a severe painslut and it’s a way to keep her happy.
2. The Master is a sadist and it’s a way to keep him happy.
3. The slave has been really misbehaving and needs to be beaten into submission.
4. The Master has a vile temper and anger management issues. (scary)
5. The Master is weak and feels threatened by girls with strong personalities.
Number 1 and number 2 I can understand on an intellectual level. Some people enjoy pain and severe degradation. And while I understand the idea I have a hard time seeing being beaten black and blue as domination. To me that says “broken”. A broken doll. I love beauty in all things, and a damaged object can definately take on it’s own beauty. I still fail to see a broken slave as anything but sad and un-attractive. But if her lifestyle it safe, sane and all that jazz or even just exhibitionists’s RP I guess all is good and I’m just a whimp?
Then to number 3-5: Beaten to submission? I cannot say I find that even remotely logical unless you hold a gun to my head. If a slave is so unruly she needs to be “beaten to submission” on a regular basis something surely must be wrong or missing from the relationship. Isn’t the Master dominant enough? Hasn’t he taught her the rules? Does she willingly break the rules because she craves the attention? Does her Master find her sexy when she’s broken? Does she feel sexy when she’s broken? So many questions. When someone is beaten to a pulp it takes more than a firm hand, it takes some serious force and most likely frenzy. I would think a Dom should be more in control – or at least strive to be – in all things, especially himself and his temperament. Should he not pride Himself in teaching His slave the rules and watch her grow instead of breaking her body and spirit? Where does punishment stop and abuse begin? And – what type of person prefers a beaten down doormat to a strong, proud and happy slave? A weak fuck? I would find it very hard to submit to a person who gets off on weakness. The whole idea makes me feel totally un-subby .
I started this post with pointing at myself, thinking I must be the one who’s got it all wrong. I guess that’s a pretty subbie thing to do. Perhaps this posing with bruises and scars is just part of the whole theatre of Dominance and submission where the spectacle itself is half the fun? That flaunting bruises is exhibitionists’s play and the Dominants are just pawns trying to please while being dommed from the bottom? I’d love to hear what you think.
(Picture above from my newest Coeur Noir-movie “Hotel Spank” comming in November)